Those Six Weeks

Someone I hardly knew anymore asked me a question that meant well, but instead it triggered a torrent of sorrow to roll down the mask that I wore. I could find no words to say that could reach him, so that he would comprehend the look of pain etched hard on my face.

He wanted to know how I was feeling these days, but I could see no way through my turmoil to tell the truth to someone I hardly knew, to pour forth a grief so thick that it choked every breath to someone who could not feel how I feel, these days that blend into long nights deepened by sleeplessness.

Someone I knew well had come suddenly to the end of his life, and my sorrow will dwell quietly between him and me only, on those six weeks when I could hold my baby closely to me.

How am I feeling these days?

As if I could know.

Nigel P Kent, 1998.